The Hard Things

This past week has been one of significant realization. I’ve learned that if I want to be or do something, achieve any goal I set out, I can’t wait to feel like doing what it takes. To make it through, there’s hard things to do, challenges, and obstacles and I have to FORCE myself to do them.

The problem is that my “old” brain doesn’t want to do the hard things. It sees the hard things, the challenges, and the obstacles as threats to my survival because they trigger stress in my mind and body. All it wants is to protect me, and keep me alive. It doesn’t know the difference between the hard things and a sabre tooth, so it will always try to tuck me out of doing something difficult by making me doubt, telling me stories about why I shouldn’t do it, and lie about the reasons why I can’t be or do it.

By being aware of this, I’ve been able to tell my “old” brain to shut up. Even better, I don’t give it a chance to say anything. I have my plan that guides me though what I have to do to become who I want to be, and to have what I want, and I just do it. If by mistake I take a little too long before I get going, and my “old” brain starts to ramble, I remind myself that I’ll never feel like doing it, and might as well do it right now and be done with it.

This process has started to build some serious discipline muscles. It has also been the most successful experiment I ever did. The results have been instantaneously visible. Instead of feeling guilty because I didn’t do what I had to do, and then rush to try to make it by the end of the day to finally fail, I’m relaxed, happy, and my hard things are done early in the day.

I’m sharing this because we all have dreams and goals, but we fail to make them come true, not because we’re a procrastinating lazy couch potato, but because we fail to understand how our brain works.

The post I wrote about “How to Get what You Want in 5 Seconds” will guide you through the information that changed the way I approached  my life’s dreams and goals. Listen to Mel and see your own life change!

How to Get What you Want in 5 Secondes

Ok, maybe not in 5 seconds, but I really want you to read this. It can change your life.


This week, I’ve watched a Ted Talk that inspired me so much, I want to share it with you. It’s called How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over from Mel Robbins.

It always bugged me that even tho we had all the information (blogs, books), the networks (social medias), the circumstances (welcome the 21st century) to change our lives, and change the world, we still didn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t understand why.

Mel says it’s because we say we’re FINE. We’ve convince ourselves that we’re fine not having/being what we want.

She also says that we snooze off all our fantastic ideas that pops-up in our head all day long. The same way we hit the snooze button in the morning when we don’t want to get our of bed.

One more reason why we don’t do what we have to do to change is that motivation isn’t happening; we’re never going to feel like doing something hard. Changing requires a truck load of energy, and the only way to go is to FORCE ourselves into action.

Her trick to outsmart our brain to make us into the extraordinary being we out to be is the 5 second rule.

The moment you feel an impulse to act on a goal, start counting backward from five (5-4-3-2-1), and physically move immediately. Write down the email, walk to that girl and say hello, pick up the phone and make the call, get dressed and go to the gym.

It works with bad habits that you want to change too.

The concept isn’t new, it’s just framed differently from what you’ve already experienced… Remember… You’ve got to your knee in cold water, in a lake or a river, and you can’t get yourself to dive in, so what do you do if you don’t want to look like a pussy? You count 1-2-3-go!!! And you dive 😛

Mel explains why and how the 5 second rule works, and she also wrote a book about her nifty little trick that will be out on February 28th.

Have you heard about the 5 second rule before? Have you used it without knowing (please share examples)?


P.S.: I hope you had a laugh at the picture, and that you returned the grimace!

Don’t Rely Solely on Motivation

Because motivation is unreliable, you shouldn’t base your success strategies on it. Yes, it can sometimes help you get your ass off to the gym, or make you work on your side project. The problem is if you depend on motivation to get things done, or to accomplish your goals, you might end up achieving nothing because you have no control over when it’s going to hit you.

Motivation is simply a desire to do something. Often, when motivation strikes, you hit Google for instant gratification and an overload of information instead of working on a simple task that would bring you closer to success. Indeed, doing only 10 push ups is 100% better than watching 10 videos about the best workout in the world.

What about getting motivation from a reward, an external source? Looks like this is a poor route to take because as soon as the reward is removed from the equation, performance decreases.

A reward can also shift your focus from the task to the motivator (reward) when you need to use more brain power. Therefor, it reduces your accomplishments. However, it can work great for very simple or repetitive tasks where you don’t need to think.

If an external source of motivation won’t get you to do what you want to do, it’s time to take a look inside yourself, tap into this abundant resource some call drive, passion, self-discipline, or self-motivation. You can build strong self-discipline by starting small. You’ll still get a reward, but the reward will be your accomplishment. Progress, and the simple act of completing something are going to be your awesome rewards.

Are you a motivation addict? I know I used to be until I understood the simple distinction between external motivation and self-motivation. I can now rely on motivation to start something (see the big picture), and use self-motivation to accomplish my goal.

Thanks for reading, and take care!

Have Fewer Rules

Rules are an important component of our society. There’s the written rules. Those rules are in the books of law of every country. There’s also socially accepted implicit rules. Those are the rules you follow when you’re in public spaces, at your friend’s house, or with your family. And then, there’s your own personal set of rules, they’re your creations based on your values.

The written rules are reinforced by the law enforcement, and there are specific punishments for each broken rule.

Although, there’s no one appointed to the job of making sure the socially accepted implicit rules are followed, you’ll know when you’ve broken one as you’ll get punished by society in some form.

One of the best punishments -and my favourite too- is to ignore the bad behaviour. In most cases, when someone breaks a social rule, it’s to get attention. Pay no attention to the behaviour, and the person will feel stupid, and won’t break the rule any time soon.

Your personal rules are reinforced by you, of course. You create your own set of punishments when you don’t follow your own rules. Shame, blame, and calling yourself stupid are some of the most popular. As with most types of punishment, it’s not very effective. If punishment was all it took to make us follow the rules, there would be no crime, and we would all be perfect beings.

What if we had fewer personal and close relative rules? Instead of playing law enforcement with our kids, we could give them values. Instead of having conflict over a trivial rule we set with our significant other, we could passionately love each other. And instead of declaring war to our parents, sisters, or brothers over some meaningless rule, we could have the best time of our lives together.

The more rules we have, the greater the chance they are going to be broken. And if we set too many rules, we become rigid, vulnerable, and brittle.

What are some rules that aren’t important that you could let go?

 

 

Conditioning

Conditioning is a tool that can greatly help you be a better version of yourself. There’s thought conditioning, where you try to have the right thought that’ll take you to do the right actions, and there’s behavioural conditioning, where if you take the right actions, you’ll get the result you want, regardless of what you think.

Thought conditioning is good and it works. It includes all the positive affirmations, positive visualizations, changing your vocabulary, and some meditation techniques. When you can’t use behavioural conditioning to get what you, or be how you want to be, the default should be thought conditioning. Everything starts with a thought.

Using behavioural conditioning to change is even better than thought conditioning because it focuses on creating new habits. It doesn’t really matter what you think of the subject you are trying to change, because when you take the right kind of actions, create the right kind of habits, your thoughts will follow, you’ll start thinking the same way of your new behaviour.

Since the Holidays, I’ve had a hard time getting up early in the morning, even with the help of my alarm. The few late night parties threw me completely out of balance. My mornings are very important for my productivity, my success, my sanity, and my self-esteem. Waking up around 8:00 or even 9:00 makes me feel like a pathetic, lazy worthless potato (sorry little pretty nutritious potato)…

So! I’ve been trying something new. Something completely unusual, even a little bizarre.

I practiced getting up. I first rehearse it in my head about ten times. I visualized every step of the process. It’s impressive how many steps there is just to get out of bed when the alarm gets off.

Then, I pretended to be asleep, set my alarm for 5 minutes in the future, and when it got off, I did exactly what I had visualized and got up. I did that 3 times, felt like an idiot for 15 minutes, but had great results the next morning, even after falling asleep around midnight. Hurray for conditioning!

Would you use conditioning to create a better version of yourself, even if it makes you feel silly?

The Simple, Easy Things I do to Save my Planet

Last week, I did a post about how to save your planet. I was expecting comments about how everyone did their part, big or small. Instead, I read a lot of excuses about why no one is saving the planet. Boo.

I’m still going to tell you what I do, because my third suggestion in the post is to tell the people around you what you are doing to make a change (big or small). I already take my responsibility, and I avidly search the Internet for what actions I can take to reduce my impact.

Here it goes!

  1. I make my own laundry detergent with baking soda, washing soda, Borax, and pure Castile soap.
  2. I do the laundry in cold water, making sure the basket is full.
  3. I use a rack to dry most of my clothes.
  4. I brush my teeth with baking soda.
  5. I use olive oil, avocado oil, tallow, and Shea butter for my skin instead of the chemical laden (and in little plastic bottles) conventional beauty products.
  6. I walk to the grocery, the gym, the pharmacy, and the bank.
  7. I drive an old, but fuel efficient Pontiac Vibe, and stick to the speed limit. I plan to keep the car until it breaks down completely.
  8. I repair my cloth instead of tossing them out when there’s a little hole. I do the same for everything else. If I can’t fix it myself, I probably have a friend who can.
  9. I remember to close the lights, and reduce the heating when not in use.
  10. I don’t buy bottled water. I use a refillable bottle that I fill with tap water. If water was disgusting at my home, I would probably use a carbon filter. I guess I’d do research for the best way to have great water with a low wasting system.
  11. I don’t buy books: I go walk to the library or read on my phone.
  12. I use a rag to clean out messes instead of paper towel (almost forgot this one since it’s so obvious)
  13. I shut the water off when I wash my body, or my hair in the shower. I do the same when I wash my hands, my teeth, and do the dishes. You get the idea.
  14. I don’t eat processed food. And I never spoil food. Ever. Leftovers are so underrated!
  15. I make an effort not to buy anything in plastic anymore. That one is really hard.
  16. I DIY, reuse, and recycle whenever possible. Recycle doesn’t necessarily means putting the thing in the green recycling bin… Just saying!
  17. This year, I want to try to buy nothing (except food and hygiene products).

Sure, there are probably things I do that are less eco-friendly, and indeed, I live with the decisions I made in the past that were not so great.

I’m also sure I forgot a lot of things that have been habits for so long they are too obvious (or personal) to share. Just think about never leaving litter behind, throwing trash in nature, or in the streets, and picking up trash people have thrown through their car’s windows. Yes, I know it’s incredible, but there are still stupid people who do that!!!

What do you do?

How to Save Your Planet

Most of us understand that if we continue in this direction, the future generations are going to face big problems. Our children’s children, will be living on a planet with around 10 billion other people. With so many people needing to drink water, eating, using their cars every day, consuming stuff and throwing it away somewhere no one wants to see it, and global warming, no need to be a Nostradamus to accurately predict the future.

It seems like not many of us give a damn about what will happen. We’re a real threat to life on this planet, but we continue to consume and destroy. We’re definitely more worried about how to make more money, have more stuff, and our precious cars than we are about tigers, trees, or bees.

We naively believe that They will find a way to make earth the paradise that it once was. They, the scientists, governments, ecologists, as if they were Gods, will make everything bad go away. The thing to realize is that we are They. I am They, you are They, we are They. 

When we talk about the future with pessimism, it anchors the tragic faith we predict, and convinces us that we can’t do anything to make it better. We’re even convinced that it’s not our fault. It’s They, Big Corp, with their marketing strategies, who make us drive our cars to go buy stuff. So we continue to consume and destroy.

Small changes can create solutions to this big problem. The first thing to do is to take responsibility, admit that we do things that destroy our beautiful planet, our air, our water.

Next, learn about what you can do (or not do!) to improve the current situation. The Internet is a wonderful place to find practical actions you can make today.

And finally, educate the people surrounding you through attraction rather than promotion. Tell your friends, family, co-workers what you do, why it works, and why you’re doing it. Let them decide if they want to follow you instead of trying to force them to your view.

Next, I’ll be sharing with you what I concretely do in my journey to save the planet.

The good always wins over the villains, right? Problem is, we’re currently the villains, but who says we can’t become the good guys?

 

Better than Nothing, Really?

How many times have you heard this little piece of wisdom? How many times have you said it yourself? I know I’ve been guilty of saying it more than I would ever want to admit it. Sometimes to encourage and congratulate someone who did something. And sometimes, as a lame excuse for not giving it my best.

It’s better than nothing. Except that nothing isn’t really that hard to beat.

In some instances, nothing is really better than something. This would be the case with relationships. A bad relationship where only one of the partner is willing to make changes and efforts is a good example.

A relationship with a family member where every single time you meet with her, they bring you down, they suck your energy up, they make you feel guilty, or they manipulate you. Even after you’ve communicated your need for a change, they still behave in an unacceptable way. This is another great example of nothing is better than something.

Using the “it’s better than nothing” adage is also a way to make us feel better about poor performances. When we use this phrase, it’s usually to cover up our shame because we know, deep down, that we didn’t give it our 100%. I’m guilty of using it too, but now that I’ve realized what I’ve done, I’ll tell myself the truth.

I am also trying to tell the truth to the people I sometimes tell it to. This proves to be a little more challenging.

In some case, though, it could be better than nothing. When you want to create a new habit, you may not be able to go full force the first few times. I mean, 3 push ups are indeed better than no push ups at all, as long as you gave it your all, and you keep progressing!

What do you usually use the “it’s better than nothing” excuse for?

2016 in Review

On the Blog

Earlier this year, I started sharing my thoughts about habits, challenges, and ways to be a better version of ourselves. Some of you were surprised to find this kind of writing on a porn website.

The reason I decided to share my thoughts on personal development is simply passion. I read tons of books that I find truly inspiring on the subject. And even if the book is crap, there’s always a little something I can take out of it.

I decided to stick with this blog topic because you seem to enjoy the opinion I share with you. I also believe that if we’re a better version of ourselves, we’re also better with other, and better lovers.

On the Website

This year, I started adding more pictures. Portraits, blowjob pictures, and even a few galleries where my butt was the focus.

I’ve also added more videos about anal play because, well, I love it!!

The site grew a lot too. It currently holds 315 video and photo updates. All of them were made with love, genuine passion, and are artfully explicit. I still believe in beautiful porn, and to this date, it has been my drive to continue sharing my sexual self with you.

In my Personal Life

I’ve discovered a new passion: vintage trial motorcycle. It’s highly technical, very slow paced (you think you’re going slow, you’re not slow enough), and the community is made of truly interesting and older people.

I’m getting married in 2018. I never thought I would agree, but it seems love can be a strong mean of persuasion!

Three years ago, I had a stupid accident where I shattered my left tibial plateau. I had an external fixator on for 2 weeks, had surgery to have a plate a 11 screws fix my bone, stayed in the hospital for 30 days, had another surgery to remove the plate and the screws a year and a half later, and the screws damage my knee so I developed osteoarthritis.

I live with this every day, but I can feel it’s getting better. I go to the gym, and have a special program to make my leg strong and more flexible. I eat the right food to heal, and most of all, I believe I will completely heal. It’s hard as hell, but I love a good challenge that pays off dividends!

What’s your best moment from 2016?

 

We’re Blessed

A few days ago, I’ve watched a documentary about the world’s worst prison on earth. The focus of this particular documentary was about the San Pedro prison in La Paz, Bolivia.

The country has given up completely on the inmates, and they have to get organized by themselves. They have jobs inside the community, buy or rent their accommodation, and often live with their families. Yes, there are women and children living behind the prison walls.

Since I’ve watched the documentary, I’ve been feeling immensely blessed. Every morning, I get to drink a delicious coffee, something the criminals and their family probably don’t do even morning, or at all. I feel very safe in my country. In Bolivia, if police suspects you of anything, you’re guilty until proven otherwise. Here, it’s the other way around.

I know the men in San Pedro are criminals. Their privileges of being a part of our society have been revoked. That’s fair enough to me.

Seeing what happens there made me feel so grateful for all the little things that I usually take for granted. Eating 3 tasty and healthy meals a day. Taking a warm shower every day. Brushing my teeth. Sleeping in a comfortable bed. Being free to choose what I want to do every single day.

I think we are blessed, and we don’t even recognize it. We complain, some more than others 😉

I’m not comparing myself to the inmates. Aside from being human, we don’t have much in common. I’m using their misery to realize how most people’s life are awesome, including mine.

Life is a gift. Say thank you!

Have you ever had a moment like this, when you suddenly realize how blessed you are?