Be Crystal Clean About What you Want

Many of us want some changes in our lives. We want more freedom, better relationships, and we want to contribute to this world. And that’s the problem, and the reason nothing will change; we’re too vague.

Have you ever seen a child write a letter to Santa like this one?

Dear Santa,

For Christmas, I want toys.

Thank you!
Little Bobby

The reason you need to know exactly what you want is that your brain will start working when it knows exactly what it is that you really want. If you don’t get what you want, you’ll be disappointed, frustrated, and unhappy, which is a good thing.

How can being disappointed, frustrated, and unhappy be a good thing?

Because you need drive to move toward your goal. You need to know it’s going to be painful if you don’t get there. To avoid the pain, your brain will figure out a way to give you what you’re after because it wants the pleasure from successfully getting what you want, and because it wants, at all cost, to avoid the pain from not getting it.

The next time you set a goal for yourself, make sure that:

  1. you set only 1-3 positive goals at a time to avoid goals competing against each other;
  2. you break-down long-term goals into small bites that can be achieved in 12 weeks or less;
  3. your goals are crystal clear, so that you don’t end up with a Barbie while you wanted a Tonka loader (true story bro);
  4. you work on your goal and follow-up every single day to create momentum, and see progress;
  5. you have strong reasons why you want what you want;
  6. you know what it will cost you (pain) if you don’t make it happen.

 

Knowing what you don’t want isn’t going to help you. That’s why you have to set a positive goal. If you know what you don’t want for dinner, how is that going to help you eat tonight? 

***

Update on the Useless Stuff challenge.

This week, I bought a book for 0$. I would not have bought it this month if I’d had to pay for it.

In the context of my useless stuff challenge, I am wondering if this would count as a fail. Although the book didn’t cost me money, I have succumbed to consuming something.

Next time, I’ll make my rules clearer about what counts as a fail.

What do you think? Did I fail or not? 

Role Play

You don’t decide what role you want to play in life. You’re a mother, father, brother, or sister. You’re a lazy employee, a good citizen, a renter, or a home owner. You let your environment and situation decide who you are, and what you do. If you’re not having much success in your life, you might think you’re a failure.

Even if the situation can be changed, your behaviours and your beliefs make you think you can’t do anything about it. You learned to be who you are instead of deciding who you want to be.

You get trapped in a state of mind as if in a bad dream from which you can’t wake up.

Your beliefs get stronger because you accumulate evidence of who you have become. Even if the evidences are false in reality, they would still strengthen your beliefs because you give them the power to define who you are.

So, how do you become who you want to be?

Destroy the evidences by making them stand in front of reality. Only then can you change your beliefs and your behaviours.

If you believe you’re a lazy couch potato, and you’ve accumulated evidence that you are a slouch, you’d need to find all the instances where you were diligent, disciplined, and smart-working.

And when you’re actually on the couch doing the hot potato, remember that this is earned relaxing time to unwind from your productive, disciplined day.

Now, define who you want to be. That’s where the fun begins. You can be anyone you truly want to be. Write down all the qualities you want to have, and all the things you want to be able to do. Make yourself extraordinary according to your standards.

Example:

I am a kind and compassionate wife. I enjoy being disciplined because it makes me strong mentally, physically, and in all other areas of my life. My trial skills are progressing; I can make a controlled wheelie to cross big rocks and tree trunks…

Role play: act like that person you just defined. Breath, walk, speak, eat, smile like that person you want to be. Imitate him or her. Ask, “what would she or he do in this situation”, and do it!

You’re already role-playing your life, might as well be on your term! Agree or not?

***

Update on the Useless Stuff challenge.

So far, so good.

I’ve made an IKEA list, but didn’t check out.

I’ve got a camera and a lens in my amazon shopping cart that’s been sitting there for about 2 months; I didn’t check out.

I didn’t buy new books; this is my weakest link, and it’s almost a daily struggle. I have more than 500 books in my Kindle app, I guess you could say I have enough.

Useless Stuff

To follow-up on last week’s post, We Have Enough, I thought I could put myself through a challenge.

Unlike many women, I genuinely hate shopping. It’s hard for me to understand the excitement my friends feel when they shop. I see this activity as a stress inducer, feeling no pleasure whatsoever in giving my hard-earned cash in exchange for a thing that might eventually end up unused after 3 months.

But I’m an imperfect being, and I do sometimes buy things I eventually don’t use. When I do, it makes me feel guilty, and, at some point, I want to get rid of the useless stuff I bought not so long ago.

We/I easily blame the media for this behaviour, and the marketing strategies they use to create needs. As I believe we always have a choice, I think it’s wrong to blame them for our consumerism habit.

The real reason I sometimes buy stuff I don’t need is my habit of mindless consumerism. I convince myself the thing I’m about to buy is going to make my life so much better. About 95% of the time, it ends up being the opposite. The stuff takes space in my home, in my mind, and robs me of precious time when I need to care for it.

Because I love challenges, and because I want to change this bad habit, I will experiment not buying anything for the month of November 2017. I’ll only buy food, and the essential personal hygiene products I absolutely need. I have enough clothes, kitchen utensils, and all the tools and product I need to care for my home, myself, my motorbikes, and my car.

If I like how the challenge goes, I might extend it to December. I will keep you posted in a short note on my weekly blog post.

Do you think I can make it? Have you ever tried a similar challenge in the past? And would you try it with me this month?

We Have Enough

You’re reading this, so I’m assuming you have the Internet and a device to serve you this page. I’m also assuming you have enough of the basic necessities a human being needs to live– food, water, shelter, clothing. We both have everything we need. Let’s pause, and say “Thank you”… (I just closed my eyes and whispered “thank you”)

Being More vs Wanting More

The thing is, we always want more. A better car, a bigger house, a new TV, a new computer, more clothes, more food. We know that this stuff won’t make us happier, it won’t make us more intelligent, nor will it transforms us into a better human.

I believe that being happier and healthier, being a better version of ourselves, are the things we really want. We want to be more, but we don’t have an easy way to achieve this. Let’s be real, being a better human is hard work.

And here’s another problem. We’ve learned to work for money to buy things. We feel great for a few days, or just a few hours after our purchase. So we think, maybe the key to always feel great is to buy more stuff. Isn’t that’s what our western, modern society teaches, and encourages us to do?

It’s everywhere, and everyone talks about their new car, bigger house, and the awesome food they ate at this new fancy-trendy restaurant. As if we were no more than our stuff. I hate that kind of small talk, it makes me feel empty and shallow. I don’t care about your car, your new country house… I care about what makes you vibrate, what energizes you, and the things you would die for.

Small Habits Pay the Most

To try and change my consumerism thoughts and behaviours, I’ve decided to write 3 things I’m grateful for every single morning. People are often on my list, so is my health and all the things I know how to do, like drawing, playing music, and riding my trial and off-road motorcycles. This simple, powerful habit reminds me that my life is plentiful, rich, and it gives me the courage to talk about and be the real things.

Because we have more than enough.

And we are more than enough.

All we’ll ever need is within us.

How do you remind yourself you have an amazing life? 

The Life we are Capable of Living

It’s intriguing to think about the lives we are capable of living compared with the life we are actually living. The life we are capable of living is the one that we secretly desire. It exists somewhere deep inside us.

But this amazing life isn’t driven by the you who gives in to procrastination and doubts. It can only manifest when you’re at your best, confident, and healthy. You can live this life when you show up, when you make things happen, and do everything you can to make a difference.

To make this extra-ordinary life happens, you need a system, one that will work for you. You need to try new ideas and implement them until there’s a good fit with the system and your personality.

But most importantly, you need a vision. Something that will drive you to action. I invite you to write it down, without judgement, without thinking about what others say you should be, have, and do. Without asking “How am I going to achieve this?” but by asking “What if?”. What if I could save the world? What if I could end poverty? What if I could become a millionaire? What if I could own a Tesla or a Ferrari? What if I could become a farmer?

What if?

Journaling Everyday

Although I am new to journaling every day, I can already see benefits impacting my days. It acts like a meditative practice. To guide me through the process, I use questions:

  • What am I grateful for (3x)?
  • What would make today great (3x)?
  • How could I have made yesterday better (3x)?
  • What amazing things happened yesterday (3x)?

I also write down my daily affirmations (3x) and The Four Agreements from Don Miguel Ruiz’s teaching.

It takes about 15 minutes to write, but it’s a great investment. It fills my mind with goodness, and sets me on the right path into making the day fantastic. Of course, it doesn’t make problems and challenges disappear, but I suspect it helps put them in perspective, and not make them bigger or smaller than they really are.

If I have time to spare, I’ll go ahead and write about a chapter from a book that got me thinking, or I’ll reflect on something I’m having trouble with. Writing gives order to the chaos that reigns in my head.

Do you journal? Would you like to, but think you don’t have time to commit?

 

Accident 4th Anniversary

On October 6, 2013, I went for an off-road motorcycle ride. I broke my tibial plateau. One of the worst fractures you could get, according to the surgeon who fixed my bones.

In one way it was traumatic, in another way, it was a wonderful, long moment of introspection. When one of the most important things, one of the things you are so familiar with, walking, standing, running, jumping, taking a shower, taking care of your basic needs, is taken away from you, you become even more passionate about them.

Even if they’re the most mundane things in life, you feel like this is what you want more than anything in the world. You fight with all your heart, all your guts, and all your being to get that power back. Because, however unexciting these activities are, trust me, they make our life remarkable.

For me, there’s no break. I make it a daily practice to move my body, to stretch, or to lift heavy things (me!) to be stronger. On the rare days I can’t make time for my body, I can’t walk, or go up and down the stairs easily; it hurts.

Today, I can’t take for granted the simple act of walking, or standing on my two feet. I am always amazed, and deeply grateful just watching my feet get in front of one another. I feel that all the tedious work I’ve done, and am still doing to keep my ability to move, is paying big dividends.

We humans will fight hard not to lose something. We’ll fight way harder not to lose something than we’ll fight to gain something new. It might be because we know that thing we don’t want to lose, compared to that new, unknown, thing we could gain. There’s uncertainty with gaining something new.

Action

I’ve talked before about how I have trouble with information overload. There’s always a new book, a new TED talk, a new YouTube video to watch, a new blog post to read.

They all get me excited about making myself into a better person, creating a better video for my website, making my body fitter and stronger, or understanding the needs of my loved ones better.

I know I’m naïve. I thought I just had to consume the information, and my brain would take care of the rest.

Of course, that never happened.

What I try to do now, is to take one deliberate action on the information I consume and practice it until I have absorbed the knowledge. It’s hard, I struggle, because I’m addicted to the excitement I get from starting a new book, listening to a new TED talk, or YouTube video.

And that, my friend, is the foundation of consumerism.

I sometimes imagine I could read the same book over a period of a year. One or two chapters a month. Dig deep, and practice the knowledge until I make it my own, until it becomes second nature, until I’ve mastered the teachings.

Changes to the Website

When I created the home site for ChloeMorgane.com, I’ve used a theme that I bought online. It was Okay because I wanted to launch the site as fast as possible, and instead of spending time on the design, I thought it would be better to create videos, and talk to my fans.

The theme looked neat from the outside, but it was overly complicated under the hood. I couldn’t find my way through, and that created barriers for me to do any kind of changes that would make the site better.

With the launch of the new design, I’ve re-learned a lesson: changes create problems. I had a few bugs to fix, and I don’t know if you’ll like it. Over time, I hope it’ll create better problems than preventing me from working on enhancing your experience!

So if you find things that don’t work, take a screenshot, and send it to me (please :P): g.chloemorgane@gmail.com

Thank you, love you!!!

Level Up

I tend to think that we live our lives in levels, sort of like when we play a video game. You can only go to the next level or chapter until you learn the lessons from the current level you’re living in.

If you want to know the lessons you’re meant to learn, look at the things you’re afraid of, the things you complain about, or the things you’re avoiding.

The way to get to the next level, and learn the lessons, is by taking action. When you try the first time, you’ll either succeed or survive a failure.

If you succeed, congratulation, you’ve learned the lesson, and you can level up!

If you survive, examining the failure, and picking your brain on what could be the lesson, you can try again with a better understanding of how to succeed the next time.

Until you succeed, you’ll be stuck at this level, and the same type of challenges will be thrown at you until you learn the lesson.

When you’re aware of this, life’s challenges become fun because you’ll want to level up!

What are you afraid of, avoiding, or complaining about in your life?