Doubts

It can be daunting to doubt your own thoughts and decisions, and other people’s actions and ideas. To doubt means to have feeling of uncertainty about the truth, reality, or nature of something. Even when that something is proven by facts, science, and unfaulted logic.

When you chronically doubt yourself, you create a loop of low self-confidence that leads to more self-doubt. When you lack confidence in your own decision, it’s because you are afraid of making a mistake.

A great way to combat self-doubt is to experience the very thing you’re doubting. It’s in no case a quick fix, will surely take some time and efforts, and there will be plenty of challenges along the way because doubt is perceived as some kind of safety. You’ll have to remind yourself that it is okay to make mistakes because you’ll learn from them, and grow because you’ll have survive the experience.

The more experiences you create to battle your self-doubts, the more confidence you’ll build, which will also create a loop, a positive one that is.

In short, self-doubt is another fancy word for fear, and the only way to fight fear is to have the courage to face it.

 

Blame and Responsibility

There’s a huge difference between blame and responsibility. Blame doesn’t have acceptance connected to it, and it suggests that someone is at fault. What’s important to understand is that people who tend to blame will look for anything that is not in line with their rigid beliefs.

Blamers hold on to inflexible belief systems, and they feel threatened when you do things that question their small thinking.

When everyone agrees with one another on these belief systems instead of developing our thinking to consider new beliefs, we stay stuck in the inadequate belief model.

Being blamed for something makes you feel guilty. Instead of letting the feeling take hold of you, try to understand the other person’s belief, and chose to let go of the guilt by giving back what belongs to the blamer in a loving and caring way, and taking responsibility for what belongs to you.

Taking responsibility simply means you acknowledge you have not done the best you could. You know you’ve made a mistake, but you forgive yourself, and do everything you can to fix the mess you’ve made.

The compassion you use to taking responsibility gives you power, confidence, and lets you grow better beliefs. Your new beliefs will help you express positive intentions, and search for the best solution when a challenge is presented to you.

It’s hard to not blame other people, and when we do, it’s time to look at our own set of beliefs. Maybe they’re great beliefs, but they simply do not align with the other person’s beliefs. If that’s the case, understand the dichotomy, and share compassion with the person about her challenging and frustrating problem.

 

Our Default Self vs Habit Design

People rarely change their behaviour for good. Your brains tend to revert to your old ways of thinking and doing. The old pathways are still there and because they are so familiar to you, you use them when you’re not paying attention.

The habits you most recently acquired are the ones most likely to go first. The enemy of your brand new habit is your past behaviour.

There are a few things you must do if you want your new shiny habit to stick.

The behaviour you’re trying to make into a habit needs to be repeated  often, and/or must be perceives as having a high degree of utility. This means the behaviour needs to give you great pleasure, or help you avoid pain.

Indeed, a behaviour that provides minimal perceived benefit can become a habit just because you repeat it often.

Science has yet to determine the length of time it takes to form new habits. If you read it takes 21 days or 6 months to form a new habit, these are just myths that have been debunked many times already.

Habits are wonderful tools that can help you create a rich life. If you carefully plan which habits you want to establish, you’ll get more success in making your dreams come true.

Combine the formula to creating habits with frequency, perceived benefits, focus, and persistence will most definitely turn you into a master habit maker. The formula that creates habits (good or bad) is a follow:

Cue -> Behaviour -> Reward = Habit

If you think habits are boring, that you hate routines, and you think you are living your life with spontaneity now, think again. You are already living at least 40% your life through a routine. If you didn’t design the habits yourself, chances are other people — your boss, clients, marketers, spouse, children, friends, family, yogi master — have done it for you.

 

There’s no Such Thing as Time Management

Time management is not logical. It looks like it is when you put it down on paper, or on your favourite time management application, but really, time management is emotional. How you choose to spend your time is based on how you feel.

No one can manage time. Time passes. You got to deal with that fact. You can’t change it, and you can’t do anything about it. Can’t get back in the past, can’t go into the future. Only the now can be used to do/feel/say something.

So, it’s just another case of using the wrong words. Creating an extra hour a day? That’s impossible. Everybody gets 24h/day. What we’re really managing here are the things we do, the feelings we feel, and the things we say.

When I do what’s important instead of what’s urgent, I’m managing both my tasks and my feelings. Doing what’s important will make me feel proud, confident, and free. If I’m responding to urgency, I’ll get behind in my important things, and will be stressed, tired, and anxious.

That’s why I got into the habit of using an hour or two every day to do, feel, and say the important things without interruption from anyone or anything.

Instead of trying to manage time, which is impossible, I choose to manage myself, and take responsibility for the life I have created through the time I was given.

Are you trying to manage time, or do you manage yourself?

 

P.S.: May the 4th be with you!