Be Crystal Clean About What you Want

Many of us want some changes in our lives. We want more freedom, better relationships, and we want to contribute to this world. And that’s the problem, and the reason nothing will change; we’re too vague.

Have you ever seen a child write a letter to Santa like this one?

Dear Santa,

For Christmas, I want toys.

Thank you!
Little Bobby

The reason you need to know exactly what you want is that your brain will start working when it knows exactly what it is that you really want. If you don’t get what you want, you’ll be disappointed, frustrated, and unhappy, which is a good thing.

How can being disappointed, frustrated, and unhappy be a good thing?

Because you need drive to move toward your goal. You need to know it’s going to be painful if you don’t get there. To avoid the pain, your brain will figure out a way to give you what you’re after because it wants the pleasure from successfully getting what you want, and because it wants, at all cost, to avoid the pain from not getting it.

The next time you set a goal for yourself, make sure that:

  1. you set only 1-3 positive goals at a time to avoid goals competing against each other;
  2. you break-down long-term goals into small bites that can be achieved in 12 weeks or less;
  3. your goals are crystal clear, so that you don’t end up with a Barbie while you wanted a Tonka loader (true story bro);
  4. you work on your goal and follow-up every single day to create momentum, and see progress;
  5. you have strong reasons why you want what you want;
  6. you know what it will cost you (pain) if you don’t make it happen.

 

Knowing what you don’t want isn’t going to help you. That’s why you have to set a positive goal. If you know what you don’t want for dinner, how is that going to help you eat tonight? 

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Update on the Useless Stuff challenge.

This week, I bought a book for 0$. I would not have bought it this month if I’d had to pay for it.

In the context of my useless stuff challenge, I am wondering if this would count as a fail. Although the book didn’t cost me money, I have succumbed to consuming something.

Next time, I’ll make my rules clearer about what counts as a fail.

What do you think? Did I fail or not? 

Role Play

You don’t decide what role you want to play in life. You’re a mother, father, brother, or sister. You’re a lazy employee, a good citizen, a renter, or a home owner. You let your environment and situation decide who you are, and what you do. If you’re not having much success in your life, you might think you’re a failure.

Even if the situation can be changed, your behaviours and your beliefs make you think you can’t do anything about it. You learned to be who you are instead of deciding who you want to be.

You get trapped in a state of mind as if in a bad dream from which you can’t wake up.

Your beliefs get stronger because you accumulate evidence of who you have become. Even if the evidences are false in reality, they would still strengthen your beliefs because you give them the power to define who you are.

So, how do you become who you want to be?

Destroy the evidences by making them stand in front of reality. Only then can you change your beliefs and your behaviours.

If you believe you’re a lazy couch potato, and you’ve accumulated evidence that you are a slouch, you’d need to find all the instances where you were diligent, disciplined, and smart-working.

And when you’re actually on the couch doing the hot potato, remember that this is earned relaxing time to unwind from your productive, disciplined day.

Now, define who you want to be. That’s where the fun begins. You can be anyone you truly want to be. Write down all the qualities you want to have, and all the things you want to be able to do. Make yourself extraordinary according to your standards.

Example:

I am a kind and compassionate wife. I enjoy being disciplined because it makes me strong mentally, physically, and in all other areas of my life. My trial skills are progressing; I can make a controlled wheelie to cross big rocks and tree trunks…

Role play: act like that person you just defined. Breath, walk, speak, eat, smile like that person you want to be. Imitate him or her. Ask, “what would she or he do in this situation”, and do it!

You’re already role-playing your life, might as well be on your term! Agree or not?

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Update on the Useless Stuff challenge.

So far, so good.

I’ve made an IKEA list, but didn’t check out.

I’ve got a camera and a lens in my amazon shopping cart that’s been sitting there for about 2 months; I didn’t check out.

I didn’t buy new books; this is my weakest link, and it’s almost a daily struggle. I have more than 500 books in my Kindle app, I guess you could say I have enough.

Useless Stuff

To follow-up on last week’s post, We Have Enough, I thought I could put myself through a challenge.

Unlike many women, I genuinely hate shopping. It’s hard for me to understand the excitement my friends feel when they shop. I see this activity as a stress inducer, feeling no pleasure whatsoever in giving my hard-earned cash in exchange for a thing that might eventually end up unused after 3 months.

But I’m an imperfect being, and I do sometimes buy things I eventually don’t use. When I do, it makes me feel guilty, and, at some point, I want to get rid of the useless stuff I bought not so long ago.

We/I easily blame the media for this behaviour, and the marketing strategies they use to create needs. As I believe we always have a choice, I think it’s wrong to blame them for our consumerism habit.

The real reason I sometimes buy stuff I don’t need is my habit of mindless consumerism. I convince myself the thing I’m about to buy is going to make my life so much better. About 95% of the time, it ends up being the opposite. The stuff takes space in my home, in my mind, and robs me of precious time when I need to care for it.

Because I love challenges, and because I want to change this bad habit, I will experiment not buying anything for the month of November 2017. I’ll only buy food, and the essential personal hygiene products I absolutely need. I have enough clothes, kitchen utensils, and all the tools and product I need to care for my home, myself, my motorbikes, and my car.

If I like how the challenge goes, I might extend it to December. I will keep you posted in a short note on my weekly blog post.

Do you think I can make it? Have you ever tried a similar challenge in the past? And would you try it with me this month?