Chloe Morgane - Know What you Want

Be Crystal Clean About What you Want

Many of us want some changes in our lives. We want more freedom, better relationships, and we want to contribute to this world. And that’s the problem, and the reason nothing will change; we’re too vague.

Have you ever seen a child write a letter to Santa like this one?

Dear Santa,

For Christmas, I want toys.

Thank you!
Little Bobby

The reason you need to know exactly what you want is that your brain will start working when it knows exactly what it is that you really want. If you don’t get what you want, you’ll be disappointed, frustrated, and unhappy, which is a good thing.

How can being disappointed, frustrated, and unhappy be a good thing?

Because you need drive to move toward your goal. You need to know it’s going to be painful if you don’t get there. To avoid the pain, your brain will figure out a way to give you what you’re after because it wants the pleasure from successfully getting what you want, and because it wants, at all cost, to avoid the pain from not getting it.

The next time you set a goal for yourself, make sure that:

  1. you set only 1-3 positive goals at a time to avoid goals competing against each other;
  2. you break-down long-term goals into small bites that can be achieved in 12 weeks or less;
  3. your goals are crystal clear, so that you don’t end up with a Barbie while you wanted a Tonka loader (true story bro);
  4. you work on your goal and follow-up every single day to create momentum, and see progress;
  5. you have strong reasons why you want what you want;
  6. you know what it will cost you (pain) if you don’t make it happen.

 

Knowing what you don’t want isn’t going to help you. That’s why you have to set a positive goal. If you know what you don’t want for dinner, how is that going to help you eat tonight? 

***

Update on the Useless Stuff challenge.

This week, I bought a book for 0$. I would not have bought it this month if I’d had to pay for it.

In the context of my useless stuff challenge, I am wondering if this would count as a fail. Although the book didn’t cost me money, I have succumbed to consuming something.

Next time, I’ll make my rules clearer about what counts as a fail.

What do you think? Did I fail or not? 

10 thoughts on “Be Crystal Clean About What you Want”

  1. Love you and your mini- crusade, but money , as usual, drops a concealing
    Scrim in front of the real question; even “free” is whether the book is worth
    our attention.. Carry on!

  2. Great piece on goal setting Chloe!
    I must partly disagree with you about the not knowing thing. This is actually positive. Not knowing what I want and knowing what does not work, are valuable resources. They narrow the choices down when deciding what I do want and what options there are to getting what I do want. I strongly dislike Brussel Sprouts – I don’t like the taste or the smell of them cooking and I don’t care how good they might be for my health – I am not eating them! Going to the market means I can ignore them as a choice.
    Knowing what doesn’t work means that, in a situation where the known options include something known not to work, I am much more likely to spend some time and effort figuring out something else that has an equal chance of not working too, but an equal chance of being a good option – as opposed to something that didn’t work before and doing the same again is also likely to fail!
    On the acquisition of the book… if you exchanged the book for one or more books you already have, then, it is a pass. If you just acquired the book, then I guess it is a fail within the moral or intentional definition of your goal.
    I never used to give books away or get rid of them – unless they were really bad. I gave up my ‘safe’ life in New Zealand where I owned two companies, had a commercial building I operated from and also lived in after my ex-wife and I separated, because I felt I was going nowhere. Yes, I was making a comfortable living, doing comfortable and enjoyable things, living in a beautiful country and able to do most things I wanted to do when I mostly wanted to do them… but it was all “comfortable”.
    My acquired physical things gave me some comfort, but they were also holding me to that place. I decided I did not need to do this. I sorted out the things I thought I should probably keep – family heirlooms, things that have emotional attachment for me and the things that would be difficult to replace in the future, put them in a storage unit and now live out of two suitcases weighing in around 20kg each and a carry-on back pack that is supposed to weigh 7kg maximum, but weighs more like 12kg – mostly due to the workstation class laptop I have that weighs in at around 5kg with the power supply!
    I now spend my time between China, Ukraine, Germany, France, UK, Denmark, Sweden and Finland. Being an engineer involved in product design, most of the people I work with also speak English, or a version of it.
    My out of work life is hilarious as I try to do all the things needed to live in these countries with only the smallest amount of the local languages – I am very proficient in all the languages at saying “I’m sorry, I don’t understand____”! I am learning and experiencing new things – including languages. There are times when frustration and fear are pretty high but I have had more enjoyment from life in the last 20 months than almost all of my adult life prior – and at 58, that was quite a bit of time!
    When I first did this, I have to say that I experienced considerable panic at times about what I was doing! But I looked at it this way; If I always do what I have always done, then I will always get what I always got. I had decided I didn’t want to have what I always had, so I needed to do something different. Did I make the right choice? I don’t know. I don’t regret making the choice. I have seen, experienced and done things I never would have ever done otherwise.
    I have seen the war in the East of Ukraine first hand, and the devastation it has had on so many people’s lives – all totally unnecessary. I have met a lot of really amazing people in Ukraine and China – it is interesting to me that the more interesting people have been in the poorer places! There have been sights that horrify and sights that lift the soul and make it rejoice. I have faced incredible obstinacy, stupidity and arrogance from people who think they have a little power – like the woman checking passports at the boarding gate for the plane from Munich to Kiev who wasn’t going to let me board because the bit of paper she had, that was out of date, did not tell her that a NZ passport was entitled to obtain a visa into Ukraine at the boarder – despite there being four previous visas in the passport she was holding – and there was no way she was going to ask anyone else! At that stage it had already been checked by three other people on that leg of the trip – and their pieces of paper were up-to-date.
    But then there was the opposite in Ukraine, where the hostel I was staying in was hit by a truck that skidded on ice and slammed into the building causing significant structural damage. There were only three of us staying in the hostel and the outside temperature was around -20C, with a wind blowing from the North and snowing. I returned to the hostel with just my laptop in my back pack and the clothes I was wearing – I was not allowed in to the building to retrieve my belongings. The hostel manageress took me to her very small one room apartment and made me welcome, sharing her small amount of food and resources with me and would take nothing from me in return.
    It took three days for Engineers to deem the building was safe enough to allow people back in. At which time I was able to recover my passport (from the safe in reception), my credit card and my bags – which allowed me to find another hostel that the manageress negotiated a very good price for me.
    It has been… “interesting” as an experience! It is not for everyone and I would not have thought it for me either four years ago. I probably won’t keep doing it for many more years, but right now, I have much more life in my years – which is MUCH more important than years in my life!

  3. Doing what you say builds resilience. However, it takes Spirituality to obtain resilience. Spirituality connects the mind to the heart.

      1. Not for some people.I’m just now making the connection between mind and heart. I am finding out about self-love. I am also connecting with my Higher Power. Assuming my life is the spirit, then my connecting to my Higher Power is the spirituality. So it goes a bit deeper than your reply.

  4. Excellent points about goal setting.

    As far as the “Useless Stuff” thing goes, was the book actually useless? Or did it provide useful information or insight? Would you pass it on to someone else or would it wind up sitting on a shelf or in the trash bin? To me, thoughtful consideration of why we acquire things is more important than did it cost me money.

    1. Hope you find it useful and use it ^.^

      The point of the challenge is to not give in to buying things I don’t need. It’s only for a month and it’s meant to point my weaknesses and teach me how to get better at controlling my buying impulses. It’s also an exercise in finding value in what I already have.

      Of course, I’ve already started reading the book; it’s about habits, and I’m always eager to know more about how to create awesome habits that will serve me.

      Thank you for your constructive comment. I share your views, but in the context of my challenge, I think I failed! Failing is a great teacher tho!

      Kiss!!!

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