Can Couples want to Have Sex Again?

From the comments on the post “Why Couples Stop Having Sex“, it may seem like it’s the woman who doesn’t want to have sex anymore. I hope you’ll trust that this is not the case, and that man also have loss of desire for sex. With this fact out of the way, lets see what turns us on.

Arousal is what turns the ons on and the offs off. It doesn’t say what counts as a signal to turn someone on or off. We learn what is sexually relevant to us through experience and culture.

That’s why some people are turned on by a slow and sensual blowjob, while others get aroused just by thinking about anal sex. Smell, touch, what you see, what you hear, what you think about can all be stimuli to get aroused.

You need a successful experience to tell your brain that what you just lived is sexually relevant. Your sexual excitation and inhibition systems can’t be learned from a book, only through experience.

The way male and female learn about sex is different. What is sexually relevant and is potentially a threat for men is not the same as for women. I know, who would’ve guessed?

Can we change our sexual excitation and inhibition systems? No, but yes. You can’t change the systems that much, but you can change what it responds to. You can change what your “brakes” consider a threat, and you can also increase the sexual relevant things in your life.

So, can couples want to have sex again? The answer is an absolute yes.

You may not want to read the book Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski, so I’ll do it for you, and distill the essence in a few posts. Of course, reading the book would give you much more information to put into practice, and might guide you on a healing path.

P.S.: I think you guys are awesome and very open to post your comments on such an intimate subject. Thank you for your honesty!



Become a Master

Mastering any physical skill takes practice. Practicing is the repetition of an action with the goal of improvement that helps us perform with more ease, speed, and confidence.

Here’s a little bit of science to understand what happens when we practice things. You can skip this paragraph if you want to go straight to getting the most out of your practice time.

Our brain has two types of neural tissues. Gray matter, which processes information directing signals and sensory stimuli to nerve cells, and white matter, which is made of fatty tissues and nerve matters.

For our body to move, the information needs to travel from the grey matter down the spinal cord, to a chain of nerve fibers called axons in our muscles. The axons in the white matter are wrapped with a substance called myelin. This substance changes when you practice: it’s like black electric tape on electrical cables. It prevents energy loss from electrical signals that the brain uses, moving them more effectively along neural pathways.

When you repeat a physical motion, it increases the layers of myelin that insulates the axon. The more layer, the greater the insolation around the axon. This forms a sort of super highway for information that connects your brain to your muscles.

Muscles don’t have what is commonly referred to as muscle memory. It’s rather the increase of the myelin layers forming a better insolation that creates a faster and more efficient neural pathway that gives the impression of the muscle memory phenomenon.

Enough science for now.

Mastery isn’t simply about the hours you put into practice, but also the quality and effectiveness of your practice.

To be effective, practice must be consistent, intensely focused, and must target content or weaknesses that lies at the edge of your current abilities. 

Here’s how to get the most out of your practice time.

  • Focus on the task at end. Reduce all potential distractions like TV, computer and cell phone notifications.
  • Start slowly. You will build your coordination through correct or incorrect repetition. Try to gradually increase the speed of the correct repetitions.
  • Repeat frequently with a few breaks in between. You’ll be better off dividing your time for effective practice into many daily practice sessions of limited duration.
  • Once you have established a physical motion, you can reinforce it with vivid visualization. Practice by imagining your craft with as much detail as possible.

Enjoy becoming a master!

We’re Going to Mars

At the time I’m writing this, a little less than 119,000 people have viewed Elon Musk’s presentation on making humans a multi-planetary species on YouTube.

I’m puzzled as to understand why there aren’t more noise about this. No one seems to care that we’re finally going to Mars.

Is it out of disbelief? I mean, the guy who wants to send us to Mars is the founder of which merged into PayPal… And he made electric cars possible with Tesla. With such a great CV, I trust he will succeed in sending humans to Mars.

I admit, I do have fears for the faith of humanity about this project. Are we going to send our best humans to Mars, making Earth dumber, like the movie “Idiocracy” so brilliantly demonstrated.

Is the Mars colony going to revolt and declare World War III, or should I say Interplanetary War I?

And my greatest fear of all… Will my son want to go live on Mars? Arg!

On a brighter side, I do have great expectations, and even dreams for this mission. As a Star Trek fan, I can’t help but dream that we’ll get over our selfish self, and because we can explore the universe, boldly go where no one has gone before, we’ll lose our drive for money, work to make humanity awesome, and to better ourselves.

By living on another planet, we’d start to care about people, and by really caring, we’d find cures for sick children, stop poisoning our food and our minds with junk and mindless entertainment.

Being aware of such incredible possibilities, I regret not having followed my deepest interests. I regret that I haven’t stayed true to my nerd nature. Instead of doing porn, my mind is rambling about how I could have helped build the spaceship to go to Mars. Okay, maybe not build the spaceship, but do other meaningful things to help humanity.

Instead, I’m just a porn star trying to make people interested in making themselves a better version of who they are through weekly blog posts. I share my contagious smile through pictures everyday in the hope of making people a little happier. And I rant about how amazing the big rocket is, and nobody except for a few nerds seem to care…

Do you believe we’re going to send the first humans on Mars around 2025?

How to Meditate in 45 Words

I’ve always been curious about meditation. It seemed like something only enlighten people could do. A bit like having faith. It was mysterious, but at the same time, I knew there was a whole lot of great things happening when you devoted time to practice meditation. I read about, and each time the concept just eluded me. I almost gave up, pretending that meditation was simply one of those things that you just had to have.

You know meditation is good for you, you’ve read about it, friends might have talked about it, so I’m not going to get into the details of all the goodness it provides. I’m just going to tell you how easily you can do it. This is for beginners, those who like me have no idea how to do it, and the skeptics who think it’s all voodoo-hoodoo magic.

It was Joseph, from the app 10% Happier (FREE on the Apple App Store) that demystified the whole thing. His approach is simply this:

Sit in a dignifying position. Close and relax the eyes, relax the jaw, the shoulders, and soften the belly. Then realize that your body is breathing. When, not if, your mind starts to drift in thoughts, acknowledge them, reconnect to your breath, and begin again.

See, I just taught you how to meditate in 45 words. You’re welcome!

Of course, there are many other ways to practice meditation. For those who just don’t get it, like I did, this is the easiest way to start meditating. You can do it for only 5 minutes, and still rip a ton of healthy mind-body-spirit benefits. The simple act of focusing on the breath, even for a few seconds, is helping you get better at being mindful.

Do you meditate? Will you try it now that you know how easy it is?

The Kiss of Serenity

Serenity is the antonym of anxiety. It’s a state of peacefulness, where the mind and the body are untroubled. If you’ve ever experienced serenity, you know how good it feels, and I bet you’d like to get in this state much more often.

If we look at what causes anxiety most of the time, we might be able to reverse engineer it, and feel the bliss of serenity instead. When we’re anxious, it’s because we’re out of control, we’re disorganized, we’re not prepared, and we’re not taking action.

The Goal is Serenity

From my experience, I know that when I’m anxious, it’s already too late. There are techniques that can ease the anxiety– breathing, meditating, focus on the task at hand –but the goal is serenity, not to feel less anxious.

To take control of our lives, our projects, or our work, we might need to get more things on auto-pilot. That’s where habits come in handy. Good, strong habits free up you mind to let you make better decisions.

Everybody has habits. If someone says they don’t, they simply don’t realize that they have a routine. Instead of creating the habits they want for a better life, they’re letting themselves be ruled by whatever good or bad habits that would form naturally.

Getting organized is so much easier with habits. When everything is in order, and has a structure, it facilitates our lives. No more searching of your keys. No more buying stuff you already have, but have no clue where it might be hidden. No more stress because you think you’ve lost that super important report you must present in five minutes.

Being prepared for an interview, for an exam, or for a big event frees us to deal with the unexpected with all our grace. It gives us the opportunity to show our real values and character strengths. Our mind is calm, and it can deal with anything anyone throws at it.

Actions can create habits. Actions can make you feel in control. Actions are what separate successes from failures. You already know that the tiniest actions can create a giant snowball. You’ll be hard to stop once you start moving.

Have you lost your keys, your important report, and felt so anxious you started shaking from the inside? And on the contrary, have you done it so gracefully that you felt the kiss of serenity on your forehead?



November is Movember. Men and women join together to raise awareness for men’s health, specifically prostate cancer, testicular cancer and men’s mental health.

What’s so special about Movember? Men start clean shaved on November 1rst and grow and beautiful, shinny, thick and luxurious mustache.

I can’t grow a mustache, but I’d love to see yours if you let it grow! It’s such a simple yet powerful action you can do to raise awarness for your health!

Camille xox

Sharing a WOW! Book

You know how much I love reading… There’s loads of knowledge and wealth in one single book, sometimes I wonder how come they sell for so cheap compared to let’s say, clothing. Yes, we need clothes to protect us from the elements, but it’s not like they bring us any value aside from looking good or hiding the parts of our bodies that society think is less gracious…

Yesterday, I was browsing TED talks and listened to Dr Carol Dweck who’s research explains that it’s not just our talents, intelligence or abilities that bring us success, but our fixed or growth mindset.

I wanted to know more about how I could grow my brain’s capacity to learn and solve problems so I bought her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.

Do you believe you are a certain kind of person, and there’s not much you can do to change that or on the oposite, you can always change substantially the kind of person you are?

Chloe xox

PS: You have until May 31, 2015 to enjoy the 20% membership discount. Here’s the link if you couldn’t get it last time:

A Request to Wear Yoga Pants

I put on my yoga pants but I do not do yoga. I’ve never even done a yoga pose in my life. I prefer squats, lunges, push ups, and plank. I do other exercises to add variety each day, but I like that very effective combo.

Primal/Paleo Lifestyle for Better Sex

I’m thinking about sharing more about my passion for personal development and how it can all be connected into having a more fulfilling sex life. I also live a primal/paleo lifestyle which I’ll try to demonstrate that it is also wonderful for sex.  Food and cooking are derivative of this life style, and who doesn’t love a good-for-your-sex-drive recipe. Playing music and singing, off-road motorcycles, drawing and painting are just plain fun, and I believe that if you’re having fun, everything else falls into place, including your sexual power.

My aspirations are to entertain, inspire you and keep the conversation going. Of course, I’m not a therapist, nor am I a doctor. I’ll share what works for me.