Optimistic, Pessimistic, Realistic

I need to be reminded of the following. 

When something is about to happen, and you have absolutely no control about it, being optimistic, pessimistic, or realistic doesn’t matter. Whether you’re happy about it, or it makes you feel totally depressed, it won’t affect that unavoidable thing that will happen.

I’m talking about things like rain, tornadoes, and the passing of time. Even if you believe throughout every single cell of your body that it’s going to be a beautiful sunny day, if it’s meant to rain, it will. You have no control on some kind of events. They are going to happen, and you can’t do a thing about it.

The best way to deal with those kind of events would be to simply let them be, let them pass, without a thought. Accept that they are.

To be careless about uncontrollable events would be such a relief. But we’re human beings, and we are affected by what we focus on. The things that our senses can perceive will always affect us.

You know it’s your attitude towards the unavoidable that can be controlled. Have to courage to change, and see the rain as being the most beautiful thing you’re experimenting at the moment instead of thinking about it as a nuisance for your little self.

Our days, our weeks, our lives are filled with rain drops and sunshines. Both can be seen as irritating hassles, but they also can be blessings.

Which side will you choose? It’s up to you…

Moderate Procrastination is Good

Here’s a snippet of my life. As I found myself in front of my computer, not typing anything, or not programming anything, I would usually get up, and do some dishes, or laundry, or I would go out for a walk. When I came back, I would feel refreshed, my head was clear, and I would start typing like a crazy lady.

The person I was sharing my life with back then, was so focused on generating money that whenever I got up to do the dishes, or do simple house chores in the apartment, he would react by saying those things were not important. I shouldn’t waste my time doing them, and I should go back to work instead, be productive, and make some money.

Those remarks started to make me feel guilty when I was taking a break from my work, unproductive me! It made me feel like I was a lazy girl. I even felt bad doing the dishes… I thought I was such a procrastinator, and I was!

But here’s the thing. Moderate procrastinators are more creative. Adam Grant’s did an experiment where people were asked to generate business ideas. Some of them were asked to do the task right away, and others had to procrastinate for either 5 or 10 minutes by playing a game. It turned out that the people who procrastinated had the most creative ideas.

In order for moderate procrastination to work, you need to know what to do first, to understand the task at hand. The incubating period is what makes you more creative. Indeed, procrastination is deadly for productivity, but it gives life to creativity.

So next time someone tells you you’re procrastinating, or you think you are doing the deed, remember that you’re not procrastinating, you are exercising your creativity.

Do you moderately procrastinate, and does that make you feel guilty? 

P.S.: I know you have a good head, but I want to make sure that you will not use these findings to use procrastination as an excuse to not do your work!!! Here’s how you can beat procrastination.

Your Self Image is Who You Are

Your self-image is how you see yourself. It’s also all the things you believe you are and what you think you can do. It won’t be a surprise then if I tell you that your self-image commands your emotions and actions.

Believe you’re a lazy couch potato, and you are. Believe you are strong, and full of energy, and you will be. Change your beliefs about your self-image, change your life.

Those who don’t have a positive self-image seem to have trained to see only the nasty little faults in their appearance, in their thinking, or in their behaviour. They’re disappointed in how they look, what they say, or when they do something they believe is stupid.

Knowing Where You Stand

I know I struggle with the way I treat myself. It even makes feel hesitant to express and assert myself. I sometimes think I fail to take on opportunities, live incredible experiences, and even feel helpless about changing small and big things in my life. I need to draw out an incredible amount of courage and energy to believe I’m good enough, strong enough, and that I deserve the good things in life. Altho I know exactly where it comes from, I find it incredibly hard to change.

Practice Positive Self-Image

It takes time to develop a positive self-image, but the efforts should be wonderfully compensated. As research shows, people with a positive self-image focus on growth and improvement, and people with a more negative self-image focus on not making mistakes.

While doing research for this post, I found many resources that describe how to achieve a positive self-image. In theory, it looks fairly easy, but most of the articles have so many steps that I’m currently paralyzed. I don’t know where to start.

So for now, I’m simply acknowledging I have a not so positive self-image. When I find my next step, I’ll share it with you, and you can share yours with me too. In the mean time, have you also struggledwith your self-image?

How do You Get Yourself Out of a Bad Mood?

It happens to the best of us. You’re doing your thing, minding your own business, and boom! Bad mood strikes, sometimes for no reasons, sometimes… well you know exactly why.

I haven’t done any researches, but I know from my own experiences that you can get in a bad mood for many reasons. Someone tells you something you don’t like, and you make a big thing out of it, which puts you in a bad mood. Or, you create a scenario in your head, some kind of downward spiral that leads you to feel bad. And then there’s the case where your hormones are just messed up because you either ate junk, or you didn’t sleep properly, or you didn’t move enough, or you’re a woman and you’re having a case of PMS.

In all cases, you feel the bad mood sneaking in your body. If you could see a before and after shot of yourself, you could make a note of all the differences in the way you hold your body when you’re in that bad state. Everyone has their own bad mood body moves, and facial mimics.

How do you get out of there?

While I’m no expert on the subject, I love to read and learn about human behaviours, habits, neurobiology, and all kinds of human related “stuff“. It’s a thrill to make a connection, and get that “Eureka!” moment when solving a puzzle. And then there are patterns that get obvious after a while when you pay attention.

The simplest way I found to snap out of a bad mood is to first notice that I am in a bad mood and acknowledge it. Obvious, but not always easy.

The second thing I do is notice how my body and my face responds to the feeling. If my head is down, and I’m frowning, and at the same time I’m rounding my shoulders, and my breath is short, I know I just have to focus on doing the opposite. In a minute, I can change my state by changing my body and my breathing.

The last thing I need to do is let go. I find that by saying the words in my head a few times, the remaining bad mood goes away. I am now ready to talk calmly if someone told me something I didn’t feel was appropriate, or I can go by my day knowing it’s going to be an awesome one.

This strategy never fails, and I use it every time I want to change the state I’m in.

What do you do to change your mood, cheer up, and feel better?


How to Meditate in 45 Words

I’ve always been curious about meditation. It seemed like something only enlighten people could do. A bit like having faith. It was mysterious, but at the same time, I knew there was a whole lot of great things happening when you devoted time to practice meditation. I read about, and each time the concept just eluded me. I almost gave up, pretending that meditation was simply one of those things that you just had to have.

You know meditation is good for you, you’ve read about it, friends might have talked about it, so I’m not going to get into the details of all the goodness it provides. I’m just going to tell you how easily you can do it. This is for beginners, those who like me have no idea how to do it, and the skeptics who think it’s all voodoo-hoodoo magic.

It was Joseph, from the app 10% Happier (FREE on the Apple App Store) that demystified the whole thing. His approach is simply this:

Sit in a dignifying position. Close and relax the eyes, relax the jaw, the shoulders, and soften the belly. Then realize that your body is breathing. When, not if, your mind starts to drift in thoughts, acknowledge them, reconnect to your breath, and begin again.

See, I just taught you how to meditate in 45 words. You’re welcome!

Of course, there are many other ways to practice meditation. For those who just don’t get it, like I did, this is the easiest way to start meditating. You can do it for only 5 minutes, and still rip a ton of healthy mind-body-spirit benefits. The simple act of focusing on the breath, even for a few seconds, is helping you get better at being mindful.

Do you meditate? Will you try it now that you know how easy it is?

I Had Big Dreams

What we believe to be the usual path of a female Porn Star is to start doing adult clips, videos, or movies around 18-20 years old, right when a she is young, firm, and beautiful. Starting so young usually leads to a nice career lasting for maybe 12-15 years. Then, she might retire at age 30-35 when she still looks pretty and young.

Something Was Wrong With Porn

My own “career” started when I was 31 years old, when most female Porn Star retire. The reasons I chose to do adult entertainment are a post of themselves, but I can say that I felt there was something wrong with porn back then. All I could see was a misrepresentation of what sex really is. Missing connections, no real passion, and fake orgasms.

I thought it was quite ugly, and it turned me off. I didn’t really know how, but I wanted to change that. My first slogan was “Beautiful Porn. Redefining the Meaning of Pornography”. I had big dreams, and used my stubbornness to make things happen.

Beautiful Porn

It turned out that by sharing my authentic sexuality, and showing what I am passionate about, it made my vision of beautiful porn a reality. I was lucky to be with someone who had a vision similar to my own in terms of aesthetics.

Whether other porn producers noticed what we did or not, I will never know, but I’m delighted to see how the world of pornography changed over the years. It evolved into something where more people share their true desires, and it shows, or at least tries to show, passion. It’s not just a money machine designed by perverts– altho there are still too many of those.

Now What?

My big dream has come true. Pornography has changed. X-Art has been a wonderful contributor to this change, and The Good for Her Feminist Porn Awards celebrates erotica centred on women, and marginalized people. Violet Blue and Tristan Taormino have and continue to educate us.

Now what?

Question: What Gets You Turned On For Sex?

I received this question in my email a while ago. At first, I wanted to think about it, just to put every element in place in order to draft a clear response. Then I realized that thinking and sex were not the best mix. After all, sex is something primal, something we feel, and desire. So I close my eyes, and let my imagination reply to the question. It’s personal, but not so much that I can’t share it with you.

The Slow Start

It often starts in the neck. Soft kisses, and the warm breath of my lover on my skin give me shivers. It’s even better if he’s behind me, and holds me tight. I guess that makes me feel secure. Whether we’re in the kitchen, in the bed, or in a public place, this will instantly arouse me.

The French Kiss

There’s been studies about kissing which are quite fascinating. For my part, the French kiss will wake my desires immediately. First, with just our lips touching. Then the tip of our tongues. It’s warm, soft, and moist. And then we go for the whole exchange of saliva, when passion rises higher and higher.

He Wants me Now!

That’s when he throws me on the bed, or bend me over. He uses his strength to take me. He takes control, and the smell of testosterone fills the air. I’m not resisting, and the feeling of surrender makes me feel secure, and intimate. It turns me on to feel the strength, and power of my lover.

Tell me What You’re Going to do to Me

The first phrase, when he calls me names or tells me what he would do to me, is always a surprise. But the second is like a spell that turns my brain chemistry into a witch’s bubbling magic potion cauldron.

There are other things that get me turned on for sex, but those are the first ones that came to me when I closed my eyes. They’re not fantasies when I’m alone. Telling you about those would probably make me blush. They’re simple, and they reflect the real interactions I have with my lover.

What’s ONE thing that gets YOU turned on for sex?

Featured image from Chloe Morgane’s sex video Make Love to Me

And the Winner is…

Last week, there was a contest to win a membership to my site where you had to RT one of my tweets on Twitter, or share one of my posts on Facebook, and post which one you did on my blog.

To make the draw fair, I’ve entered all participants who followed the rules into a table in MySQL, and let it work its magic by returning a RANDOM row from the participants column.

Lucius is the lucky winner of the free one month membership to my site http://chloemorgane.com. Here’s his comment:

Just retweeted “Happy messy hair #GingerThursday!! pic.twitter.com/1LJXX7OX7E”…
Have a great day, Wonder Woman! 😍

How lovely!

Thanks everyone for making this contest so much fun ^.^

Do you have ideas for future contests?

The Joy of Being an Autodidact

Growth is high on my list of values, that’s why I’m an autodidact. If you’ve never done a list of your values, I suggest you take three minutes, and try it now. Writing, seeing, and re-reading your values brings clarity to your daily actions. It gives you a clear path to follow, and often prevents you from doing things that would feel wrong.

Because growing is a high priority value to me, I feel compelled to do every single day. In the Internet age, where endless knowledge is available to all, the autodidact is right in her comfort zone.

Consuming Information vs Learning

There’s a big difference between consuming information and learning. Consuming information is the same as eating a big Mac trio. You eat it, digest it, feel something– mostly disgust–, and forget about it. It just fills a void in your life, or your stomach.

Learning engages your brain, and sometimes your body. It’s taking an idea from someone else, dissecting it, testing it, using it, applying it, changing it so it works better, and sharing it back to the world. Your improved idea is now ready to receive the same fate you made it endure.

Fear is the Path to the Dark Side

There’s tremendous joy in being a self-taught person, but the joy might just stay at level one or two if the ideas are not shared with people. I’ve been doing the taking, dissecting, testing, using, applying, and changing, but not the sharing of ideas, which prevented joy to reach higher levels.

Out of fear of people’s reaction to my “outrageous” ideas, I’ve been hiding them in the dark. Because I was afraid people would judge my person, my ego, I didn’t share my thoughts.

Now that I understand that ideas are separate entities of the self, it’s easy to share them with the world. Whether the response to the idea is positive or negative is irrelevant. What matters is that the idea can grow, giving the opportunity to the autodidact to use it, shaping it with all her experience, and sharing it again.

Are you an autodidact? Do you share your ideas, or keep them in the dark because they’re “weird” and “outrageous”?

Fishnet Bodystocking

In my latest update, I’m wearing a full fishnet Bodystocking. Although have worn it when giving BJs, I never stopped at the sensation it was leaving on my body. Wearing a fishnet Bodystocking is like being nude, but the sensual garment adds a touch of je n’sais quoi to the experience.

When I watch the video later, I realized how sexy, seductive, and alluring this lingerie piece is. It makes the skin look even softer, and the body is but a fluid line drawn by an artist’s hand. Few lingerie pieces had me feel so perfectly comfortable in my own skin.

How do you like the fishnet Bodystocking in my latest video?