It Doesn’t Matter What They Think

Most people agree that it doesn’t matter what other people think of them. That’s in theory.

In reality, without realizing it, we attach importance to the opinion others have about us. Yes, you do it too… and that’s okay. For now.

What they think of us matters, but we would like the tranquility that comes from not giving them any power over us through their opinions.

Start by being conscious that what they do, how they feel, and what they think isn’t in your control. Their actions, their feelings, and their thoughts belong to them.

And then do the exercise of not taking what they do, feel, or think personally.

You’re wrong 99% of the time when you give meaning to someone’s action, or you try to guess what they’re thinking of feeling. You don’t have telepathic powers. So stop acting and talking as if you had 😉

Letting Go

There are things that you have to let go in your life because they act like poisons. It’s hard because that thing you have to let go is usually connected to intense feelings.

And the brain has a way to remind you of that thing you need to let go for your own good. It seems to pop from now where, and even though you don’t want to think about it, a subtle cue can trigger the thing to emerge from deep within.

You need to be aware of the cue that triggers your thing, and prepare something to replace it -your thing- whenever it comes up. It could be as simple as “if I start thinking about my thing, I’ll sing Brother John until it goes away”.

Letting go is going to be much easier if you remove everything that reminds you your thing. It’s a process that can take years, but the sooner you eliminate triggers, the faster you’ll let go. And when you let go, your mind is free to focus on positive things.

Morning Ritual

Whether it’s exercise, meditation, or journaling, a morning ritual isn’t so much about the activity you do, but more about the habit of reflection. Taking time to examine what’s going on in your life, to look inside yourself.

It helps you to get conscious of the choices you make during the day, and gives you direction and purpose. Because you’re prepared for the day, you’ll be able to act -not react- with love, patience, and understanding.

You already have a morning ritual. Is it one that primes you for the day? Being aware of your current morning ritual will open your eyes on the kind of days you usually have.

Every morning, you build your day. Every day you build your life.

 

The Next Avenue

When you comment on a post, your ideas sometimes meet with something I’ve been thinking about for a while. Like Mark said on “Can This Work for Me“:

I too am guilty of rationalizing away the solution all too often. And you nailed it! Because it takes me outside of my comfort zone. So I just give up and look for the next avenue.

You see, I read tons of books (and that’s the problem), but I get frustrated because I’m not retaining the information I’m reading. Science says we remember only 10% of what we read. Even so, with 10% of everything I’ve read, I should be pretty close to hitting Nirvana! I should be the happiest, fittest, healthiest, most organized person in the world!

Unfortunately, I’m far from having completed this feat. Which is a good thing in a way, because I can continue to grow, but it’s also frustrating because I feel like starting over and over again from ground zero.

My frustration is caused by my hunger for what Mark calls “the next avenue”. I read the book, implemented a few of the things the author prescribed, and then forget about what I’ve learned because I’m reading another great book, from which I take a few tricks to make my life better, and this loop just goes on.

There’s a lot of good information. My problem is I want to have the best information, and use it to grow into a better person. So I’m still chasing “the next avenue”.

One solution I found for this never ending chase is to re-read books that I find have the most life changing information.

Taking notes is tedious, but the rare time I did it, and went through them a few times were when I made the most progress.

Another solution is blogging. It has helped me retain more information and put it into action.

I guess it’s only a matter of getting into the habit of taking notes, re-reading, and blogging. But there’s always this teasing voice telling me, “what if this next book has what you’re looking for?”…

 

 

Doubts

It can be daunting to doubt your own thoughts and decisions, and other people’s actions and ideas. To doubt means to have feeling of uncertainty about the truth, reality, or nature of something. Even when that something is proven by facts, science, and unfaulted logic.

When you chronically doubt yourself, you create a loop of low self-confidence that leads to more self-doubt. When you lack confidence in your own decision, it’s because you are afraid of making a mistake.

A great way to combat self-doubt is to experience the very thing you’re doubting. It’s in no case a quick fix, will surely take some time and efforts, and there will be plenty of challenges along the way because doubt is perceived as some kind of safety. You’ll have to remind yourself that it is okay to make mistakes because you’ll learn from them, and grow because you’ll have survive the experience.

The more experiences you create to battle your self-doubts, the more confidence you’ll build, which will also create a loop, a positive one that is.

In short, self-doubt is another fancy word for fear, and the only way to fight fear is to have the courage to face it.

 

Your Dream Life

It might be easier than you think to make your dream life come true. You may believe you need millions of dollars, more time, or better health to achieve your desired life, but I’m sure that if you stop for a few minutes, and let your heart tell you what kind of life you really aspire to, you’d be surprised how easily accessible it is.

We make things bigger than they really are, and by doing that, we believe we can’t be, do, or have the things that make us light up. To counteract this false belief, I like to sit down regularly, and write about a simple day in my dream life. It helps me to make better choices, to have the courage to do bold things, and to make the appropriate sacrifices.

It’s also a good assessment of my current life vs my dream life. It emphasizes where the gaps are, so I can adjust my current life to have more of what my dream life is made of. It also shows me where the two lives unite, making me so much more grateful for everyone and everything I have right now.

Here’s a little excerpt from what I wrote this morning. This is not my first draft. Before it was perfect for me, I wrote lists of things I wanted in my life, I extensively tried to understand my core values, I deepened and acknowledge the stronger traits of my personality. I knew I hated it when things kept coming back in the many lists I created.

My dream is to wake up every morning to the sound of the birds singing, making coffee and drinking it while watching the amazing view outside of my home, and starting my day knowing I have no obligations but to make this day the most beautiful, passionate, and happy I can possibly can.

I’d then get dressed to go outside for a walk with my husband, letting my mind wander, listen and comment on the beauty of mother nature, and how grateful I am for who I became, and for everyone and everything I have I my life.

When we’d get back home, we’d have a healthy breakfast, talk about us, about what we aspire to be and do, look into each other’s eyes and say how much we love one another, as if there’d be no tomorrow.

Mornings are when I feel the most creative and energetic. I would unquestionably go straight to my studio, or pack my painting kit on my motorbike to explore my land, and find a nice place to paint. Each brush stroke would illuminate my eyes, make my heart race, and fill my soul with happiness.

In the afternoon, my choices of activities would vary between playing music with or without friends, go see friends or family members, cook healthy meals for days ahead, sell my paintings and everything that’s involved with that business, ride my motorbike or paint some more, exercise, learn new skills, and help someone who really needs it.

My evening would be relaxed. After a healthy dinner with my darling, we’d talk some more, make love, and I would read a great book before going to sleep.

Although I’ve let out many (personal and financial) details, you can get the essence of my dream life. It’s not complicated, it doesn’t cost millions of dollars, it promotes good health, strong relationships, and passion. It’s in perfect harmony with all my core values.

My brain has a clear image of my desires. It sees and analyzes all the opportunities that can make my dream life come true. All I have to do is listen, and act on the (electric) impulses, or messages, my brain sends me, making the gap between both lives get smaller every day.

Best of all, I’m already living many elements of my dream life. This reassures me;  I don’t live in the future, and I savour the present moment.

Does your brain know what kind of life you really want? And are you listening?

2016 in Review

On the Blog

Earlier this year, I started sharing my thoughts about habits, challenges, and ways to be a better version of ourselves. Some of you were surprised to find this kind of writing on a porn website.

The reason I decided to share my thoughts on personal development is simply passion. I read tons of books that I find truly inspiring on the subject. And even if the book is crap, there’s always a little something I can take out of it.

I decided to stick with this blog topic because you seem to enjoy the opinion I share with you. I also believe that if we’re a better version of ourselves, we’re also better with other, and better lovers.

On the Website

This year, I started adding more pictures. Portraits, blowjob pictures, and even a few galleries where my butt was the focus.

I’ve also added more videos about anal play because, well, I love it!!

The site grew a lot too. It currently holds 315 video and photo updates. All of them were made with love, genuine passion, and are artfully explicit. I still believe in beautiful porn, and to this date, it has been my drive to continue sharing my sexual self with you.

In my Personal Life

I’ve discovered a new passion: vintage trial motorcycle. It’s highly technical, very slow paced (you think you’re going slow, you’re not slow enough), and the community is made of truly interesting and older people.

I’m getting married in 2018. I never thought I would agree, but it seems love can be a strong mean of persuasion!

Three years ago, I had a stupid accident where I shattered my left tibial plateau. I had an external fixator on for 2 weeks, had surgery to have a plate a 11 screws fix my bone, stayed in the hospital for 30 days, had another surgery to remove the plate and the screws a year and a half later, and the screws damage my knee so I developed osteoarthritis.

I live with this every day, but I can feel it’s getting better. I go to the gym, and have a special program to make my leg strong and more flexible. I eat the right food to heal, and most of all, I believe I will completely heal. It’s hard as hell, but I love a good challenge that pays off dividends!

What’s your best moment from 2016?

 

Goals vs Intentions

What do goals, visualization, and to-do lists have in common?

They all make us work for the end result instead of living and creating from the present moment. It’s not that they’re bad tools, on the contrary, having hopes, dreams, and actionable items in our life are beneficial.

The problem lies in that we are reaching out for our dreams instead of living them.

The reasons you want to achieve a goal always have a deeper sense than just the item on your list. You want to change a behaviour to feel better, change a thought pattern to stop feeling so bad, change a physical aspect of your body to feel sexy again, or take control of your finances to finally be free.

Goals, to-do list, and visualization are statics. By shifting to set out your intentions, you open up to possibilities that you might not have thought of, or even thought existed in the first place.

Wanting that country home may mean you long for peace, freedom, a contact with nature, and a space to welcome family and friends.

Your intention is everything. It sets your life to move you onward to where you want to end up. The clearer your intentions, the closer to your life’s purpose you’ll be.

A goal is reached in the future, it’s focused on the end-result, and our minds are having a hard time doing things now for the future (else everyone would be fit, strong, financially free, etc.). Intentions still consider the future, and the desired out-come, but it can happen right now.

And what happens when you don’t reach your goal? You feel like a failure, and give up. Or you could start using practices that are contrary to the reasons you originally set out that goal.

Good intentions keep you connected to the present moment and your future vision.

When your actions are in harmony with your thoughts, your intentions, and your expectations, you can bring anything you want in the physical world. Your goals should be set with intent.

 

Clarity

You’re talking to someone, thinking you’re being understood. The other person listens to you, thinks she gets it, but it turns out she didn’t. You get pissed because it’s always the same thing, and the other person also gets pissed because you’re pissed at her.

A common conflict scenario that could be avoided if only we had more emotional vocabulary. We’re often simply expressing a frustration that didn’t find words to be told.

We didn’t learn to describe what we’re feeling, or what our needs are because it’s too darn narcissist and egocentric. Let’s be logic, efficient, and productive, and forget what’s going on inside!

While logic has its use, when we think with our heads about our emotions, we end up feeling guilty for having these emotions. Instead, identifying our sentiment gives us clues about who we are, and what our needs and values are. It’s like the symbols on your car’s dashboard, telling you a need is or isn’t satisfied.

A rich emotional vocabulary opens up our consciousness to what’s happening in our lives. When we can name and differentiate abstract elements, we can understand how they interact, change them and act upon them. It gives us power of action.

Without vocabulary, clarity is impossible. Because we can’t name that thing inside us that’s trying to make us realize a basic need, we feel completely powerless. We don’t know what to do. So we blame someone or something. We wait for that someone to come satisfy our need, and on top of it, they must guess what would please us most, even though we don’t know ourselves.

Only when we can name our emotions and our needs can we make a clear and negotiable demand to get satisfaction. Only then can we be free because we can nourish our needs in so many different ways. We’re not blind anymore to the belief that there’s only one solution. We can start being creative in taking care of our heart.

 

Opportunities to Change

We all have freedom. We can create our own choices. We have opportunities. We decide how to feel.

When you make a choice, it creates changes in your life. The choice is often driven by a problem, or an issue you face that you need to solve. It’s still an opportunity to make a positive change in your life.

When you’re the one creating the opportunity to make a positive change, you’re using your freedom in a more liberal way. You can use your creative thinking, see the world in a different way, without the pressure of having to solve a pressing problem.

Both opportunities can be used to create new solutions. There is never a wrong way to solve a problem. Only in people’s mind is there a particular answer that they are looking for, and when you have a different way to solve the challenge, would they tell you it is wrong.

We’ve been trained to do the “right” thing all our lives. We learn how the world works, and to think in a logical, efficient way. We give away our freedom by accepting to follow the status quo, and we forget how to use our creative capabilities.

But we still can reclaim this fantastic ability. Our brain and our body can engage in responses if we let them feel emotions. Our gut is always talking to us. Some call it intuition, others speak of a “gut feeling”. Emotions never lie, and we better start listening to them.