Top Five Life Regrets

We can learn so much from people who are about to pass away. They’ve lived their lives according to certain standards, and now that they’re leaving us, they have experiences they can share. If only we would listen to them.

In here book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, Bonnie Ware addresses those things that most people do their entire lives, but end up regretting. We can learn from those mistakes, those regrets, and take steps to make sure our own lives are amazing.

#1- I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life that others expected me to live. 

This is the most common regrets of the dying. They look back and see how many dreams they’ve let down to live a life that other people told them they should live. What dreams are you letting die now?

#2- I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

Work to live, don’t live to work. In a sense, the second regret is about missing time with the people you love and living amazing experiences at the expense of work. It’s also doing work we feel isn’t meaningful. In this age and time, there are no reasons work at jobs we hate, except the limits we impose on ourselves. 

#3- I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.

We keep our feelings to ourselves so that we keep peace with others. We’re afraid of the other person’s reaction, we fear they’re not going to respect or love us anymore if we speak our true feelings. So we keep everything inside and create turmoil inside us. A truthful and transparent conversation infused with love and compassion will almost always bring the people closer together. Everyone deserves honesty.

#4- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends and family.

We live in an amazing world where we can contact the people we love even if they’re on the other side of the planet. Taking 5 minutes and reaching out to someone we haven’t talked to in a long time is easy. By setting our intention to tell them we love, appreciate, and care about them, our 5 minute conversation might just make their day (and our own)!

#5- I wish that I’d let myself be happier.

We often don’t realize it, but happiness is a choice. Unfortunately, we often stay in old patterns, our old comfort zone (even if it’s not that comfy), but this actually sacrifices our happiness. We can choose happiness. We decide how we interpret the events of our lives.

Which one of these regrets speaks to you the most? For me, it’s #3. Love you!

Stop Wasting Time Complaining

This human experience is not eternal and will soon be gone. The life expectancy is approximately 72.5 years. So my friend, there is no time. There is no time to complain, to be angry, there is no time to be anxious. There is no time NOT to make today the most beautiful and amazing day we can make it. 

Because I make my day, I decide to be happy. I choose peace. I choose joy. I choose love. And the way I do this is by changing my language, whether it be the words that go through my thoughts, the written word I use, or when I talk to people. I remove all the negative words from my vocabulary. I chose to say “Well, I’ve had better days… Haha!” instead of “Today is a shitty day, everything sucks!”. If someone else complains, I repeat what she/he just said and turn it into a positive!!! 

I am here to create a life of love, peace, and freedom. I don’t have the time to be angry, frustrated, or anxious. Nothing in this world is worth loosing my peace, my joy, and my happiness over.

Why I Had to Cut my Hair

You’ll see a pretty drastic change in my appearance tomorrow as the update goes live on the site. I had to have a hair cut before leaving for my motorcycle vacation… Why you ask?

In November of 2017, I got a Mirena IUD inserted. That’s an intrauterine contraceptive device (coil) that releases levonorgestrel (synthetic progesterone). 

With it came a long list of side effects, some minors, some crippling and debilitating. My doctor sold me the idea that it would be great for my PMS and that I may not menstruate any more (whoohoo!). She talked about a few of the minor side effects, stating that they were very rare. She also warned me not to Google about the Mirena because… Myths and stuff. For the first time since the advent of the Internet, I didn’t do my research.

After a month of feeling like garbage, my body rejected the IUD. That was such a relief.

Chloe Morgane - New Haircut

Back to the hair.

One of the many, many, many, many side effects from this type of contraceptive is hair loss. I wasn’t immune to this. I decided to get a haircut because my hair was looking ridiculously thin, and with the length that they were it was getting annoying to pick up hair everywhere, all day long.

My hair is still falling out. Some days a lot more than others, but some other days, it looks normal.

Chloe Morgane - Short Red Hair

Although I didn’t get the hair cut because I wanted to make a change in my looks, I kind of enjoy the low maintenance of this style. And since my hair is naturally curly, no one would guess that I’m having this little hair loss problem!

I hope you’ll enjoy the change. What’s great about it is that as my hair grow back, I’ll be experimenting with new styles which will add some uniqueness to each update!

Role Play

You don’t decide what role you want to play in life. You’re a mother, father, brother, or sister. You’re a lazy employee, a good citizen, a renter, or a home owner. You let your environment and situation decide who you are, and what you do. If you’re not having much success in your life, you might think you’re a failure.

Even if the situation can be changed, your behaviours and your beliefs make you think you can’t do anything about it. You learned to be who you are instead of deciding who you want to be.

You get trapped in a state of mind as if in a bad dream from which you can’t wake up.

Your beliefs get stronger because you accumulate evidence of who you have become. Even if the evidences are false in reality, they would still strengthen your beliefs because you give them the power to define who you are.

So, how do you become who you want to be?

Destroy the evidences by making them stand in front of reality. Only then can you change your beliefs and your behaviours.

If you believe you’re a lazy couch potato, and you’ve accumulated evidence that you are a slouch, you’d need to find all the instances where you were diligent, disciplined, and smart-working.

And when you’re actually on the couch doing the hot potato, remember that this is earned relaxing time to unwind from your productive, disciplined day.

Now, define who you want to be. That’s where the fun begins. You can be anyone you truly want to be. Write down all the qualities you want to have, and all the things you want to be able to do. Make yourself extraordinary according to your standards.

Example:

I am a kind and compassionate wife. I enjoy being disciplined because it makes me strong mentally, physically, and in all other areas of my life. My trial skills are progressing; I can make a controlled wheelie to cross big rocks and tree trunks…

Role play: act like that person you just defined. Breath, walk, speak, eat, smile like that person you want to be. Imitate him or her. Ask, “what would she or he do in this situation”, and do it!

You’re already role-playing your life, might as well be on your term! Agree or not?

***

Update on the Useless Stuff challenge.

So far, so good.

I’ve made an IKEA list, but didn’t check out.

I’ve got a camera and a lens in my amazon shopping cart that’s been sitting there for about 2 months; I didn’t check out.

I didn’t buy new books; this is my weakest link, and it’s almost a daily struggle. I have more than 500 books in my Kindle app, I guess you could say I have enough.

Accident 4th Anniversary

On October 6, 2013, I went for an off-road motorcycle ride. I broke my tibial plateau. One of the worst fractures you could get, according to the surgeon who fixed my bones.

In one way it was traumatic, in another way, it was a wonderful, long moment of introspection. When one of the most important things, one of the things you are so familiar with, walking, standing, running, jumping, taking a shower, taking care of your basic needs, is taken away from you, you become even more passionate about them.

Even if they’re the most mundane things in life, you feel like this is what you want more than anything in the world. You fight with all your heart, all your guts, and all your being to get that power back. Because, however unexciting these activities are, trust me, they make our life remarkable.

For me, there’s no break. I make it a daily practice to move my body, to stretch, or to lift heavy things (me!) to be stronger. On the rare days I can’t make time for my body, I can’t walk, or go up and down the stairs easily; it hurts.

Today, I can’t take for granted the simple act of walking, or standing on my two feet. I am always amazed, and deeply grateful just watching my feet get in front of one another. I feel that all the tedious work I’ve done, and am still doing to keep my ability to move, is paying big dividends.

We humans will fight hard not to lose something. We’ll fight way harder not to lose something than we’ll fight to gain something new. It might be because we know that thing we don’t want to lose, compared to that new, unknown, thing we could gain. There’s uncertainty with gaining something new.

The Perfect Day

I love writing down how a perfect day would look like for me. I ask myself, “what if I didn’t have to work?” or “what if money wasn’t an issue?” or “what would a perfect day be like for me”.

Then I go ahead and start writing how a day would look like with these questions in mind.

At first, my real days didn’t look much like my dream days. But every time I do the exercise, I come closer to live my perfect day.

Some of the things I wrote a while back, and that are a reality now, were:

  • Wake-up to the sound of birds.
  • Go for a walk with my dog every morning.
  • Exercise everyday.
  • Take some time to connect with the precious people in my life and tell them how much I love them, and how important they are to me.
  • Play.

What would a perfect day look like for you? 

 

It Doesn’t Matter What They Think

Most people agree that it doesn’t matter what other people think of them. That’s in theory.

In reality, without realizing it, we attach importance to the opinion others have about us. Yes, you do it too… and that’s okay. For now.

What they think of us matters, but we would like the tranquility that comes from not giving them any power over us through their opinions.

Start by being conscious that what they do, how they feel, and what they think isn’t in your control. Their actions, their feelings, and their thoughts belong to them.

And then do the exercise of not taking what they do, feel, or think personally.

You’re wrong 99% of the time when you give meaning to someone’s action, or you try to guess what they’re thinking of feeling. You don’t have telepathic powers. So stop acting and talking as if you had 😉

Letting Go

There are things that you have to let go in your life because they act like poisons. It’s hard because that thing you have to let go is usually connected to intense feelings.

And the brain has a way to remind you of that thing you need to let go for your own good. It seems to pop from now where, and even though you don’t want to think about it, a subtle cue can trigger the thing to emerge from deep within.

You need to be aware of the cue that triggers your thing, and prepare something to replace it -your thing- whenever it comes up. It could be as simple as “if I start thinking about my thing, I’ll sing Brother John until it goes away”.

Letting go is going to be much easier if you remove everything that reminds you your thing. It’s a process that can take years, but the sooner you eliminate triggers, the faster you’ll let go. And when you let go, your mind is free to focus on positive things.

Morning Ritual

Whether it’s exercise, meditation, or journaling, a morning ritual isn’t so much about the activity you do, but more about the habit of reflection. Taking time to examine what’s going on in your life, to look inside yourself.

It helps you to get conscious of the choices you make during the day, and gives you direction and purpose. Because you’re prepared for the day, you’ll be able to act -not react- with love, patience, and understanding.

You already have a morning ritual. Is it one that primes you for the day? Being aware of your current morning ritual will open your eyes on the kind of days you usually have.

Every morning, you build your day. Every day you build your life.

 

The Next Avenue

When you comment on a post, your ideas sometimes meet with something I’ve been thinking about for a while. Like Mark said on “Can This Work for Me“:

I too am guilty of rationalizing away the solution all too often. And you nailed it! Because it takes me outside of my comfort zone. So I just give up and look for the next avenue.

You see, I read tons of books (and that’s the problem), but I get frustrated because I’m not retaining the information I’m reading. Science says we remember only 10% of what we read. Even so, with 10% of everything I’ve read, I should be pretty close to hitting Nirvana! I should be the happiest, fittest, healthiest, most organized person in the world!

Unfortunately, I’m far from having completed this feat. Which is a good thing in a way, because I can continue to grow, but it’s also frustrating because I feel like starting over and over again from ground zero.

My frustration is caused by my hunger for what Mark calls “the next avenue”. I read the book, implemented a few of the things the author prescribed, and then forget about what I’ve learned because I’m reading another great book, from which I take a few tricks to make my life better, and this loop just goes on.

There’s a lot of good information. My problem is I want to have the best information, and use it to grow into a better person. So I’m still chasing “the next avenue”.

One solution I found for this never ending chase is to re-read books that I find have the most life changing information.

Taking notes is tedious, but the rare time I did it, and went through them a few times were when I made the most progress.

Another solution is blogging. It has helped me retain more information and put it into action.

I guess it’s only a matter of getting into the habit of taking notes, re-reading, and blogging. But there’s always this teasing voice telling me, “what if this next book has what you’re looking for?”…