It took me a while, but I am finally ready to open my heart. As an introvert, it takes me longer to process my feelings and thoughts than it would for an extrovert.
Let’s go back a few months.
In October 2013, I shattered my tibial plateau in an off-road motorcycle accident.
I was lucky enough to ride with my friend Dan who is a paramedic. My ex was there too– taking pictures–, but it was Dan who took good care of me, made sure I got out of the woods, and got to the hospital safely. For that, he earned a kiss while I got in the ambulance 🙂
During the weeks I spend in the hospital, I had time to reflect on my relationship with my ex. I realized that we weren’t the passionate lovers I wished we were, that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone I didn’t feel desire for, with someone who didn’t want to make the effort to grow. I didn’t want to be manipulated in doing and buying things I didn’t want any more. I chose happiness and left him.
Then something magical happened. My heart started beating again and I felt relief. Altho I was in pain, surrounded with scary people* (I was transferred in the head trauma department because there were no beds available with the broken bone people) and it didn’t smell like roses in my room, there was something blooming inside me. I was free and I was falling in love. Dan made my heart beat and thinking of him gave (and still gives) me butterflies in the belly!
After a while, my ex and I had to decide what would become of our business. We chose to split: I would let him keep our blowjob sites and I would keep Camille Crimson. Camille Crimson is my name after all.
I was confident that my project, my baby was in good hands, but I also wanted some retribution from all the work I did. It seemed fair to me (and to all the people I ask advice to) and was ready to negotiate.
But I did a booboo on Facebook in the form of posting an NSFW screen capture of the new solo video I was so proud of. At the time of posting, it seemed ok to me or else I would not have posted it. Facebook didn’t like it and my ex didn’t like that Facebook didn’t like it.
A few days before, I had scheduled a second update to go live the day after my video update to explain why I was doing a solo video. According to my ex, the description I wrote was a “sharp personal message” in reply to the booboo I did the day before. Measures to “protect the company” were taken.
This is what I wrote:
I miss you already even after spending two beautiful days and night with you, cuddling and loving you. I think of you and it makes me smile and want to feel your touch in my neck, you hands on my hips, oh! and your tongue on my nipples!
From there things got worst and worst. The problem for me was that I only had 49% of the shares in the company. At the time we did the paperwork, I didn’t understand it meant I basically didn’t have anything to say in the decisions that were taken by the administrator who has 51% of the shares… My only rights are to 49% of the profits, if profit there is and if the administrator votes to declare dividends, which of course the administrator didn’t vote for.
After some talk with lawyers, I realized I was fucked. Yes, I use that word because all the videos and photos seemed to belong to Productions MBP. My name seemed to belong to Productions MBP. It seemed to me then that everything belonged to Productions MBP!
I was left with two choices:
- Fight to try and get my name back (and maybe loose)
- Start over with a new name
I chose #2.
And my heart broke. It hurts to have a piece of yourself ripped off. I guess we’re even. I broke his heart by leaving our relationship, he broke mine by taking my identity.
All this happened while I was trying to recover from my injury. To be honest, those days were dark and my injury didn’t get better at all. I couldn’t sleep, didn’t eat much and lacked the mental energy to be strong and get better. Until I decided to forgive and be thankful for the opportunity that was given to me.
I am starting a new life with my wonderful boyfriend, Dan. We’re in love, we’re happy and I feel so lucky to share my life with someone so magnificent, inside and out, as him.
* I ended up making friends with a few of them lovely-scary people!