You hear or read something that would be empowering if only you didn’t try to find a scenario where it didn’t work. Or, someone tells you exactly how you can change something you’ve been struggling with by sharing their stories, but noooo! It wouldn’t work for you, your situation is way too different.
You do this because your focus is not at the right place. You focus on the problem. You know the problem with rich and vivid details. You can explain it with precision. This habit keeps you from focusing your time and energy on what’s important: the lesson and the solution.
When you’re in the known, even if it’s painful, you feel secure. A solution would make you go into the unknown, so you fight it. You find the one reason why it wouldn’t work, you explain it in details, instead of just trying the solution. What’s the worst that could happen if you tried it? And an even better question would be, can this work for me?
I’ve done this too often. Sometimes, because my focus was on the problem, but other times because Mrs Ego was in the way. I thought that I could solve my problem by myself without anybody’s help. Instead of trying the other person’s solution, I would shake it off using all kinds of excuses.
Have you done this, and how do you fight the urge to discard a good solution or something empowering?
Excuses are stories you tell yourself when you’ve failed at something and you want to feel better in the moment instead of feeling the pain from the failure. When you tell yourself excuses, you aren’t learning anything.
Yes, it’s hard to admit you made a mistake, but it’s making you grow so much more if you do. The realization and self-reflection that results from staying in the moment without making any excuses is the best way to make yourself grow into a better person.
When someone uses an excuse to explain why he/she failed, you might encourage them in their story. That’s probably because you don’t want them to feel ashamed for their mistake, and instead of exposing them out, you pretend to believe their lame story.
Helping someone to realize and learn from their mistake is a hard task. But if you are true to ourself, and you practice being in the moment when you screw up, you can guide that person in doing the same thing. You have empathy, and you know it hurts, so you’re more able to help that someone through realization and growth from their own mistakes.
Excuses exempt you from your responsibilities. They give you permission to behave badly, to make more mistakes, or to repeat the same mistake over and over.
When you make up excuses, you live in a parallel universe where reality is distorted to prevent you from feeling discomfort.
Assuming your mistakes will free you from guilt, make you stronger, and will always make you a respectable person. You’ll become more humble and real.
Everyone makes up stories about why they took this decision, or made that mistake. What’s yours? How can you turn it around to tell yourself the truth?